The First Family… of North Korea (SW)

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North Korea: where tourists don’t go and where colors may not exist. In the past few weeks, there’s been speculation on the country’s nuclear technology, Kim Jong-un’s rather opaque agenda, the significance of the upcoming celebration of Kil Il-sung’s birthday on Monday. Political finagling aside, what’s the first family of North Korea really like?

The paparazzi never seem to make it out to North Korea (though we’re alerted every time a celebrity gets bangs), so with the help of Wikipedia, let’s see what we can dig up!

Kim Il-sung: The Eternal President of the Republic (Incumbent)

Kim Jong-suk: First wife, a former guerrilla fighter, who reportedly saved Kim Il-sung’s life. They were married shortly thereafter.

  • Official cause of death: hardships endured as a guerilla fighter
    • Unofficial official cause of death: childbirth
    • Alternate proposed causes of death: tuberculosis, or she may have been shot and bled to death
    • Please note: her death has been omitted from her official biography. Sensible…
  • Had three children with Kim Il-sung:
    • Kim Jong-il (son): Future Eternal General Secretary of the Workers’ Party of Korea
    • Kim Man-il (son): died of a swimming accident as a toddler, Kim Jong-il may have been involved.
    • Kim Kyong-hui (daughter): owner of the first hamburger franchise in Pyong-yang, but seeing how it’s North Korea, hamburger has been loosely translated to ”minced meat and bread”

Kim Sung-ae: second wife. Had three children with Kim Il-sung: Kim Yong-il, Kim Kyong-il, and Kim Pyong-il, but tried to block Kim Jong-il’s ascent to power. This arm of the family has fallen out of favor.

On to the next generation:

Kim Jong-il: former Supreme Leader of North Korea, Eternal General Secretary of the Workers’ Party of Korea (Incumbent). He was born in the Soviet Union, and was given the Russian name Yuri Irsenovich Kim, nicknamed Yuri (we should all call him that). Had three mistresses and one official wife. In chronological order:

  • Song Hye-rim: Mistress #1
    • Had a son: Kim Jong-nam. Through the late 1990s, Kim Jong-nam was expected to be his father’s successor. However, an incident involving a fake Dominican passport and a Chinese alias (Pang Xiong, which means “fat bear”) while on a jaunt to visit Disneyland in Japan may have closed that door. Well, that or liberal ideas acquired abroad. Rumor has it he’s currently living in Macau amidst lots of bling.
      • Why a Dominican passport!?
  • Kim Young-sook: Official Wife, daughter of a military official, hand-picked by Kim Il-Sun himself
    • Had one daughter: Kim Sul-song, reportedly the most favored child
  • Ko Young-hee: Mistress #2, former dancer
    • Had three children:
    • Kim Jong-chul (son): declared too effeminate to rule, but supposedly has a great relationship with his younger brother
    • Kim Jung-un (son): current Supreme Leader of North Korea, bears a strong resemblance to Kim Il-song
    • Kim Yo-Jong (daughter)
  • Kim Ok: Mistress #3, former pianist

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